Time warp
It's been a rough week, reminding me why I need to retire. Just way too much work. I was so sleepy in lab Tuesday morning, that I got a littly goofy, let my shields fall.
One of my students was talking about digital vs analog clocks, and how he never even saw an analog clock until he was x years old... It reminded me of a clock story. One time I had taken LSD, I told them, and I was trying to figure out the time. I was staring at the clock and just couldn't make sense of it. It was so hard. I kept trying to figure out the time, but I couldn't. Now it seems funny, but it was stressful at the time. I tried, and I tried, and I just could not figure out what time it was. I thought it was a funny story, but when I glanced around at the students who were listening I was abruptly brought into the reality of a new generation. Jaws dropped, eyes bulged -- I could have been admitting to witchcraft or claiming an alien abduction and it would have been less of a shock to them.
Suddenly I was worrying about having let my guard down, being myself for a change. Feeling a bit silly and just letting me hang out. Then I thought what a relief it will be to be out of this. I've had a mask on for 18 years, faking dull, faking normie. I want to just relax and see what happens.
Tonight I'm blotto on Rosemount pinot noir. I've been writing and grading exams, arranging and administering lap practical exams, running my part of a Science Olympiad for high-school students this Saturday, subbing a Saturday class the weekend before that... I'm exhausted and really hating this job the past week and a half. This is why I'm on my way out. I'm prostrate with mental exhaustion.
And I'm noticing that whenever I have a meal of fresh vegetables I feel rejuvenated. Last night, a raw salad with carrot slices, mild radish slices, fresh dill, feta cheese, and wild smoked salmon. Yummm.
One of my students was talking about digital vs analog clocks, and how he never even saw an analog clock until he was x years old... It reminded me of a clock story. One time I had taken LSD, I told them, and I was trying to figure out the time. I was staring at the clock and just couldn't make sense of it. It was so hard. I kept trying to figure out the time, but I couldn't. Now it seems funny, but it was stressful at the time. I tried, and I tried, and I just could not figure out what time it was. I thought it was a funny story, but when I glanced around at the students who were listening I was abruptly brought into the reality of a new generation. Jaws dropped, eyes bulged -- I could have been admitting to witchcraft or claiming an alien abduction and it would have been less of a shock to them.
Suddenly I was worrying about having let my guard down, being myself for a change. Feeling a bit silly and just letting me hang out. Then I thought what a relief it will be to be out of this. I've had a mask on for 18 years, faking dull, faking normie. I want to just relax and see what happens.
Tonight I'm blotto on Rosemount pinot noir. I've been writing and grading exams, arranging and administering lap practical exams, running my part of a Science Olympiad for high-school students this Saturday, subbing a Saturday class the weekend before that... I'm exhausted and really hating this job the past week and a half. This is why I'm on my way out. I'm prostrate with mental exhaustion.
And I'm noticing that whenever I have a meal of fresh vegetables I feel rejuvenated. Last night, a raw salad with carrot slices, mild radish slices, fresh dill, feta cheese, and wild smoked salmon. Yummm.
posted by Cranky Ol' Lady at 9:11 PM
3 Comments:
I haven't read enough of your blog to know about your state of health, but I swear my public-life-fake-self that I had to maintain for years in order to support my hermit-like life in the woods, really took a toll on my health. I just think it had to do with the conflict between who I am, vs. who I had to pretend to be in order to pick up the paycheck. Needless to say, when they came through looking for volunteers to take an early retirement, I didn't hesitate, and I have not looked back. May your remaining working days go quickly, and your real life begin soon with joy and contentment.
Thank you. Well said.
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